The title really has nothing to do with this, it’s just a song I bought today lol. Things are changing. “The Doctor: The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”(that’s right I’m quoting Doctor Who lol). There are things happening that are beyond my control. I’m stuck in the middle of a conflict. A conflict over nothing. I’m stranded in the middle like no man’s land in Korea. Two factions within one group. I don’t want to choose, I just want things to go back to how they were 10 months ago. Back to normal. I don’t want to have to make a choice. If I’m forced to make a choice, I’ll take the 3rd option. The coward’s way out. Walk away. Never look back. There’s no point. Having to plan everything around the two sides so as not to cause conflict. The constant background noise going on. I’m growing tired of having to choose. I agree with the Doctor though. The good outways the bad. The bad is still there, but the good is still there too. I’m sure everyone remembers my bouts of depression that I recounted into blogs like this. Well I’ve realised what brought those about. Depression is in style at the minute. People need to be felt sorry for. So I did it to fit in. It’s like being a sheep, one falls off a cliff, so do the rest. Everyone was going through bouts of depression, some genuine, so I did what I’ve always done. I tried to fit in. Tried to impress people. But I also realised how wrong I’ve been. What is the one thing that draws people in? The one thing that makes me stand out? The one thing that I have strived for 10 years to keep the same? The one and only thing I’ve never changed for the sake of others. My accent. My heritage. My Britishness. I am English through and through. I kept my accent through subconcious effort. Only in the last two years have I made the effort. My image has changed from group of friends to group of friends, but that is the one constant. The thing that shows me I’m independent. I don’t need to impress. I’m me. Who are you? Not me, so why does it matter what you think. I’m here and I’m staying.
Actually let’s incorporate the lyrics. Chances by Athlete
Take all your chances while you can You never know when they’ll pass you by Like a sum the mathematician cannot solve Like me trying my hardest to explain
It’s all about your cries and kisses Those first steps that I can’t calculate I need some more of you to take me over
Take me over
If I had the chance to start again Then you would be the one I’d come and find Like the poster of Berlin on my wall Maybe there’s a chance our walls might fall
It’s all about your cries and kisses Those first steps that I can’t calculate I need some more of you to take me over
It’s all about your cries and kisses Those first steps that I can’t calculate I need some more of you to take me over
I’ve no idea ‘cause I cant calculate
How to start again How to start again How to start again How to start again
It’s all about you
Well it’s all about me, but who’s counting lol.
